Raising children with disabilities can be an unpredictable and overwhelming journey, one that often catches parents off guard. The experience is filled with unexpected challenges, and no one can truly prepare for what lies ahead. Moira Allbritton reflects on her own experiences as a mother of five, four of whom share an autism diagnosis, and the discomfort that comes with speaking on behalf of her children. In the early years, she struggled to relate to the poem Welcome to Holland by Emily Perl Kingsley, which compares raising a child with a disability to visiting an unfamiliar country. For Moira, however, the reality of her situation was far from the idyllic image painted by the poem—there were sleepless nights, medical struggles, and constant appointments, but little in the way of peaceful surprises.
Struggling with Early Expectations
As her family grew, Moira’s children faced various additional health challenges, including one child requiring brain surgery and another being injured during physical therapy. Through these experiences, Moira realized that parenting often meant managing chaos and endless medical interventions. Despite professional advice and support, the outcomes rarely aligned with expectations, leaving her to question how much control she really had. There were moments of doubt and guilt, as Moira struggled to balance the demands of caregiving with the desire to be the “perfect” mother. Yet, over time, she learned that the pressure to have all the answers and do everything perfectly only led to more stress.
Discovering Joy and Growth in the Messiness of Parenting
Looking back, Moira wishes she had known that imperfection is part of the journey and that it’s okay to not have all the answers. She expresses regret over feeling shame about her family’s struggles and the isolation they often felt. Over the years, she came to understand that parenting is messy and that there is no one “correct” way to raise children, especially children with disabilities. While the challenges were many, they were also supported by friends, family, and professionals who helped them through difficult times. Ultimately, Moira learned that even in the most overwhelming moments, there were joys to be found, and that messy, imperfect parenting could still be full of love, growth, and unexpected rewards.
Read Moira’s story in her own words here.
